Movie Reviews!

Hannibal

*sigh*

This movie is an excellent example of how NOT to make a cannibal movie.

I mean, damn, people, this flick didn't even have creepiness that Silence of the Lambs had! I had heard rumors that there was a really disgusting pig scene in the movie...

I must have fallen asleep somewhere there, 'cause I damned sure missed it.

Sure, the brain scene was kinda cool, and feeding human gray matter to children always gets an extra star in my book, but the rest of the film was pretty much a...

ZZZzzZZZZZzzzzz.......*snorkz!* Oh, sorry, I fell asleep just thinking about it.

Here's a list of things we need in cannibal movies...HOLLYWOOD TAKE NOTE!

Blood. Lots more of it than was in this crap.

Someone eating intestines like spaghetti.

Lines about fava beans and expensive wines.

Blood. Oh, and did I mention blood?

Don't want blood and gore? Well, fuck, comedy then, dammit! Motel Hell is still one of the funniest movies ever made. "It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's Fritters." Fucking classic.

The Cap Alert Guy gives the movie a 33, which is a low score; which is surprising since even *I* disliked this movie so much! Usually, a low score from FundieFuck means that it's a good movie. Wow, that sucks. Don't go see this movie.

Ratings:

Bullets: 3/5. The movie had a decent amount of bullets, but they would have been used to greater effect with some slow-motion shots of them tearing through flesh and bone...

Blood: 2/5. This movie was tame and mild. Fah!

Boredom Factor: 7/10. Yeah, this movie was boring. I mean, really, only Blair Witch was more boring.